


one: gone

by uselessphillie



Series: home (wherever i'm with you) [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, angst if you squint, anxious!phil, canon mark: 25 april 2018, interactive introverts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14435805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uselessphillie/pseuds/uselessphillie
Summary: they have to go. phil thinks too much.





	one: gone

Phil is stood at the kitchen sink, rinsing out the dredges from his coffee mug. It’s a lime green one, with a :o face painted in stark black. That pretty much sums up how he’s feeling this morning, slightly nauseous and a bit in shock.

It’s not that this day has come as a surprise, really - they’ve been planning the tour for nearly a year. It’s infused itself into every work day, every email, every conversation. It’s just that now that it’s here, now that they have to stop planning the show and start _doing_ the show, he feels frozen.

Phil puts his mug down and grips the edge of the counter instead, trying desperately to push down the wave of panic clawing up his throat. They can do this. They’re ready. They’ve probably forgotten to pack something, but that’s okay. He’s already triple checked the _Do Not Forget !!!_ list. It’s fine.

Now if only it could _feel_ fine.

“Phil?” The sound of Dan’s voice floats up from the downstairs hall, startling Phil out of his racing thoughts. “Ready to go? Car’s here.”

His knuckles are white from holding on to the counter so tightly. _Breathe, Phil. You have to go. Nothing’s wrong. You have to -_

“Phil?” Dan’s voice is suddenly right next to his ear, and there’s a warm weight pressed against his lower back. “Hey.”

Phil forces his eyes open. How long has he be standing here, that Dan came up to find him? “I’m fine,” he chokes out.

(He’s such a bad liar.)

Dan pries one of Phil’s hands away from the counter and slips his body into the space instead. Phil allows himself to be pulled forward by gentle hands, rests his forehead against Dan’s shoulder. Can’t they just stay here?

Dan’s thumb presses a quiet rhythm between his shoulder blades. It helps. Probably not as much as he needs it to, ultimately, but it’s enough for right now. Enough to get him down the stairs and into the car.

“We have to go,” he says, muffled by the crisp white fabric of Dan’s shirt.

“We can stay another minute, if you want.”

Phil shakes his head, already pulling away. “No. Let’s go. Before I change my mind.”

His meager attempt at a joke falls flat on Dan, who makes a grab for Phil’s wrist before he can get too far. Dan’s looking at him with his serious _do we need to talk about this_ face and Phil really, really doesn’t want to. He tugs his wrist free. “We have to go, Dan.”

Dan is still looking at him but mercifully doesn’t push it. Phil has a feeling he’ll be forced into this conversation later, but for now he’s shrugging on a jacket and locking the door behind them. This can be a problem for Future Phil.

***

There’s green and farms and hills and then more green so he’s off again, thinking about bright stage lights and what obscure pocket of their suitcase Dan might’ve put their passports in and _people, always so many people_ , and -

“Hey.”

Dan’s looking at him again, one headphone out and Frank Ocean paused on his phone screen. “Come back, yeah?” he says softly, “Lost you for a minute there.”

Phil exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yeah. I’m here.”

Dan takes his other headphone out, tucks a leg up under himself so he can face Phil fully. “It was like this last time too, remember? It’s always hard at the beginning. Everything is.”

Phil nods. “I know. I just - “ He attempts some sort of hand gesture to try to explain whatever’s happening in his brain right now. It’s probably not that successful, but Dan says “I know” anyway, scoots across the backseat of the car and hands Phil one of his earbuds.

Dan lays a pinky over Phil’s where it’s been digging harshly into the seat and presses play on Frank. By the time the sea rises up to meet them, Phil knows it more than he ever has.

They’re ready.

**Author's Note:**

> send me your tour prompts on tumblr: moon-boye


End file.
